The Ideal and Real Life

It is easy to think, while in ministry, that just because you articulate some of the ideas of the gospel and what Christianity is that you actually get them in real, everyday life. I get to talk about the gospel week in and week out in Korea: in my children's bible story classes, with the Yoo's and Jin Won at the church, in my Small group on Wednesday's with several Koreans, in my Bible Study on the gospel of John with Koreans, in times of fellowship with friends in the church, on Sundays in praying, singing, and sometimes even preaching. These are great opportunities to interact with what the gospel is and a real blessing; but, there is great danger in them. In talking so much about what the gospel is to others and thinking about how others around me are getting the gospel, I can easily forget how much I need the gospel. I can hide in my words and my external teaching and understanding of the gospel, talking in idealistic terms about how the gospel should change people. Yet, when I move from the ideal to my actual life, where actions speak far louder than idealistic words, I see how far I am from living out the good news of Jesus and His Kingdom.

I've been reading through the gospel of Luke over the past month, and it is one of the most striking, humbling, practical books of the Bible. God has used it to reveal the gap between my words and actions, the ideal and real life. Much like James, the focus is not simply on what people say, but what their actual lives say about what they really believe. For instance, one of Luke's central teachings, if not the core of his gospel, is the arrival of the Kingdom of God and how it should change how we see and live our everyday lives. Luke 12:32-34 says, "Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." This year, I do not yet have the pledged support coming in that I did last year. So, I have been trying to save more in case I come to be in a great position of need (God has graciously been providing, and it is nothing to worry about). Anyway, a couple weeks ago, I got together with a Korean I did not know, who I contacted through another friend in Mississippi. Right after introducing myself to him, the first thing he said was, "I am just a student, and I don't have much money. Can you buy me dinner?" I was really thrown off by his question. It is really uncommon for people in Korea to just ask you to buy something for them. I agreed to pay, but the whole rest of the night my opinion of this guy was clouded by a judgmental spirit in me. All I could think about was how this guy was probably using me for money, as I saw that he had pretty nice clothes on and took some trips to the U.S (how did he get the money for that, I wondered in judgement). I knew his family was in a poor condition, but in the moment my frustration exceeded any thought to this man's condition. After coming home, I realized how pathetic my attitude was. I don't think that money is much of an idol to me, but my actions proved that it is. Rather than seeing this brother with compassion, seeing him from a gospel basis, I judged him, upset that I felt used. God reminded me in the gospel, Jonathan, when I gave you the greatest grace, what was your response? Was it gratitude? Was it love? No, you treated me as an enemy. You even used me in my grace. When I gave you the Kingdom, have you lived your life in sacrificial gratitude to me? No, you have valued your possessions more than me. If I actually got the gospel, acting on the reality that my Father has given me the Kingdom, I would sell my possession freely, just as Luke's gospel said. I would not hold on to what I have with such a tight grip. I would not be so concerned with how others are treating me. I would desire to show others where true value is in the Kingdom of God by giving of my life and possessions. I would have, at least, had a heart of love and concern for this brother and his difficult condition.

Every day the battle wages for which Kingdom I will live for: the Kingdom of God, or the Kingdom of the world/self. It comes in instances like I just mentioned that we do not expect where pride that subtly lived deep within my heart will rear its ugly head. It comes in times when I don't measure up to other people's expectations and my own, like this past week when I discovered that some of the Mother's in my class with Korean kids thought I could teach better. Will I make teaching about me, hiding in self-defense, anger or self-pity, or will I live in humility, knowing I'm far from perfect, and submit to learn to teach more effectively for the sake of others? It comes in the daily choices I make in how to use my time. Will I mindlessly and selfishly waste away on the internet, browsing through different sites to see if anyone has paid attention to me or said anything meaningful to me today, or will I actually seek first God's Kingdom in using my time redemptively and sacrificially to grow in the gospel and love others around me? It comes in the deepest seat of my being, the heart, and where my concerns and desires are in ministry: am I concerned about my sermon, because I'm worried what other people will think of me and fear failure, or is there any view above me to God, His glory, and pointing people to the only source of hope in Jesus?

I can tell you that I am far more worldly than I want to admit. I love the things the world loves far more than I even know. I want to think that the ideals I often talk about are evident in real life; yet, my actions often reveal the opposite. I am reminded that the Christian life--life in God's Kingdom--is one of constant repentance and faith. I want to be above change, a master of the gospel, and yet to even think such a thing contradicts the Kingdom God has brought, a Kingdom exhibited in humility, meekness, repentance, dependence on King Jesus, and faith that looks never to self but always to Christ. The more I learn about God's Kingdom and His good news, the more I realize how little I understand of its vastness, greatness, and depth. When you simply talk about it, it may seem like you can get a grip on it. But when you actually try to live like it's real, to walk like what Jesus said in His Kingdom is ultimate reality, you quickly see that there is no way to get a grip on God's Kingdom and gospel. It's grip--the very grip of King Jesus Himself--must always be on us. Praise God that it is, as he says, "Fear not, little flock, it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom." Now, to seek the "sell-your-possessions-and-finding-our-treasure-in-heaven" part, where I see the gospel in real life. God be merciful to me, a sinner. Grant that I might know this grace in such a way that I would live it out in real, everyday life.