Jesus, I am Resting

I am a meaning-making creature, someone who seeks to find deeper and significant meaning in my day-to-day life, relationships, conversations, work, eating, and drinking. My thoughts are often consumed with how I can be involved in continuously meaningful encounters, trying to see deeper and beyond what naturally meets the eye. This started from a very young age in my life, as the reality of eternity sprung into my little mind very quickly, filling me with fear and wonder. Meaning, significance, purpose...words and concepts that are indelibly impressed on my soul; words that I long to experience, feel, and know more and more deeply in my everyday life. When I feel they are present in my life, my thoughts are consumed with wonder, zeal, and energy; when I feel they are absent in my life, my thoughts are consumed with frustration, striving, and anxiety.

As image bearers of God, it is quite apparent that all people are born with a longing for eternity, wonder, meaning, and purpose. Questions of meaning and significance consume the thoughts of men and women, as we and others help us analyze (directly, but more often than not indirectly) whether or not our lives possess those sought-after qualities. We all want it. We all talk about it. We all compare ourselves to others, trying to measure up to it. Yet, very rarely does the meaning we desire in our lives feel like a present, fulfilled reality. Most of our days, we feel that meaning is the continual unfulfilled longing of our hearts that will never seem to move from the state of hopeful longing to actual, satisfying reality. Why? Why are so many people in a constant state of striving after meaning, and yet so few people ever seem to find it, and know it in their everyday living?

I want to answer this question of meaning by saying that people have this struggle, because they're searching for significance in all the wrong places: sex, drinking, drugs, and all the evil practices that consume our postmodern, existential world. The problem--that answer doesn't even begin to do justice to this issue of meaning. The reality: the person who is seeking meaning in good things--work, school, relationships, art, ministry, helping the poor--is no different in his heart than the person who is seeking meaning in the supposedly "evil" practices of our world. The problem in both is a heart that is seeking meaning and value in himself, others, and the things around him--irregardless of what those things are. It's the story of Israel, Sodom and Gomorrah, David, Peter, America, you, and me: we make created things ultimate things. We worship the creature rather than the Creator. We worship whatever that "It" is in our lives that we think will bring us peace, joy, rest, happiness: relationships, a career, ministry, you name it. The list is endless, as our sinful hearts are idol-making factories that can turn any blessing into our Savior, our only hope, and our only way to happiness.

My "It" in Korea, and through so much of my life, has been ministry, because it addresses a crucial desire of my heart: approval from people. I long for, desire, and value being seen as having a meaningful life, so that others will like me, want to be around me, and value who I am. Many people would call that a "good" heart when the reality of such a disposition is enmity and opposition to God. Thankfully, God stopped me in my tracks this week, even at the expense of the health of the Yoo family: all the Yoo's caught a really bad flu, being sick for over a week, and are just now getting better. God used their sickness to show me how deeply and desperately my heart needs Jesus Christ for significance, not approval from people and passionate, impressive, successful, glamorous ministry. Once again, He showed me that significance is not about circumstances--whether really wonderful or really hard--but rather about where your heart's treasure is. In other words, our search for meaning will never be fulfilled because of changes external to us in relationships, location, work, and circumstances; our search for meaning will only be satisfied when we rest in Christ alone. He alone can provide day-to-day meaning in our lives that will leave us able to rest in peace with joy in our hearts, and He does this in ways utterly other than what you and I would think. I have to re-discover this almost every day, as God's idea of meaning is so foreign to my self-consumed life I have built around my own little wants, needs, and desires (my little kingdom). His idea of meaning can come, as is so often the case, in the mundane, seemingly meaningless events of everyday life, work, and relationships. Why? Because God's true idea of meaning is not about re-shaping, re-forming, and redeeming our circumstances; His idea of meaning is about re-shaping, re-forming, and redeeming us through any and all circumstances He brings into our lives. Thankfully, He does not leave that redemptive work in my own hands, but He has guaranteed for me and all who believe in Jesus Christ that He will accomplish His beautiful and good will in our lives: "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6).

How sweet it is to lose myself in the gospel--to have the blinders over my own little kingdom's eyes removed, and my self-absorbed, hardened heart softened in order to gaze upon the beauty of Jesus Christ and His all-sufficient grace and perfect righteousness. How sweet it is to be swept away into the Lord's far greater and better Kingdom by virtue of the self-giving, sacrificial love of God Himself in giving His Son for us. No longer do we have to waste away in striving after meaning in ourselves or things around us. Finally--thank you Jesus!--we can rest securely in our union with Jesus Christ, being completely and solely defined by His merit, righteousness, and love; all the while, inviting others to take and eat and drink fully and freely of the sweet, satisfying, unending riches of God's gospel mercy, grace, and holiness by looking to Christ alone.

How incredible God is! In what I first thought to be an uneventful, far from extraordinary week--where I had to stop striving, working, and doing--that God would do the most important work imaginable that can alone bring meaning to ministry, work, and anything: the work of continual, life-long heart change through exposure of my own idolatrous sin and the revelation of Jesus Christ as the only hope for my wandering heart; the all-sufficient Savior who alone can bring meaning, change, and salvation to me and people around the world; and the God of steadfast, never-failing love, who bids sinners to come to Jesus and find rest for their souls.

"Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
of thy loving heart
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
As Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.

O, how great Thy loving kindness,
Vaster, broader than the sea!
O, how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Beloved,
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings:
Thine is love indeed!

Ever lift Thy face upon me,
As I work and wait for Thee,
Resting 'neath thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth's dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father's glory,
Sunshine of my Father's face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting,
Fill me with Thy grace.

Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art,
I am finding out the greatness
of Thy loving heart."