This is a picture of my library reading class that I taught over the past 10 Saturdays from 2-3p.m. I had my last class this past weekend, and I was very saddened to say goodbye to the kids who came. This one hour became one of the most enjoyable times of the week for me. No technology, no stuff...just an open room, two books, a foreigner, and anywhere from 10-20 kids sitting on the floor together. It is so easy to make life all about things, to-do lists, busyness, a routine, and suck the life out of life without any sense of wonder, imagination at something bigger than my own small world. In a metropolitan city, this problem is magnified exponentially. The family is affected by this deeply. Father's work well into the night in order to provide for their family with more and more money to ensure their kids get the best education, go to the best university, so they can get well-paid jobs to earn more money and do the same thing for their family. The saddest part about this process/cycle is that the the very basis of work and all of life is lost and forgotten: relationships. Instead of spending face-to-face time with each other, families rarely get to all be together. How ironic that the very component of life that is idolized--family--is actually seldom enjoyed or experienced. I find this to be such a temptation for all people: you can spend all your life trying to arrive, earn enough money, do enough to gain some sort of status, even provide for the people you love, and yet totally miss the people right in front of you and never actually live enjoying and loving one another. These children reminded me to never forget how important and powerful it is when people actually spend time together, being where they are; so simple, yet utterly profound when all we usually are thinking about is the place we are not. Getting to be in a room without distractions, free to explore, free to listen, free to talk, and to learn about each other...what a blessing! All I had to do was listen, ask questions, show care, and these kids opened up about anything and everything. I'm not trying to say that kids are innocent and free from sin; far from it, they could rarely, if ever, hide their sin, as children just say what they think and do what they want. Yet, in doing so, I found it so refreshing that these kids were who they were. They didn't hide. The shy ones were shy. The talkative ones kept talking. All showed both the God-given common grace and the fallenness of all humanity. My last class I picked my favorite children's book for our last reading: "The Giving Tree." I asked the kids, how could the tree be so happy to give up everything it had for a person who did not even care about or love it? They certainly could not see the reasoning behind it when I asked if they would be happy to give everything they had for someone who didn't even really care for them, who just kept wanting more. At this point, I could not help but tell them about God's love for sinners in giving up all He had for people who did not care. More than that, God gave His Son for people who hated and crucified Him. Why? This is the question where words do not suffice, where we can only be lost in love, awe, joyful tears, and wonder that God is as loving and good to embrace sinners like you and me. I really hope God spoke to some of those kids and leads them to discover true Life in Him. Hopefully, some of them will remember the invitation I gave to my children's bible story classes, so they can hear and discover the gospel.Since I last updated you, I've had three different opportunities to preach, two times in our new PM Fellowship service, as well as once for our morning service. The first time I preached was an intense battle. I went up to the podium, prepared with content, yet completely unfit for spiritual battle. I did not expect that in looking out at the audience, how much I would be tempted to forget the message and just think about how people were receiving what I was saying. Though God gave me the grace to get through the message, I was carried more by my perception of what people thought of me than by the message of the gospel. Thus, preaching immediately exposed a deep idol in my heart: wanting favor from people more than God Himself. Humbling truth. The second time I preached in the morning service was a far greater blessing. Though it was anything but perfect, I learned from my first experience how important it was to preach the message to myself first, letting the gospel expose my own heart and my idolatry before I even think to look at others. It was a tremendous blessing to actually be more focused on the message, and to know God's love and presence while giving His people the message of Jesus. What a wonderful, freeing truth to rediscover that preaching, ministry, and life is not about me but all about Christ! After preaching a third time, it is well apparent that I have a great deal to learn. I find myself just wanting to be great at preaching and ministry in no time at all, while God desires for me to be refined and sanctified by trials, reproof, discipline, hardship, and failure to see that I will forever need the gospel. I can't say that I always enjoy this process (dread is a far more accurate word), but it constantly shows me that what I need to desire is not to be or possess something that will somehow, in my own estimation, make me valuable. Rather, I need to desire Christ, the only One who gives lasting value. May God continue this refining process through preaching and ministry to slowly but surely mold me into the man He desire me to be.
Wow...today is Thanksgiving! I must say that I miss the presence of family, friends, and great thanksgiving food; yet, the presence of absence reveals the worth of its object, which means that this Thanksgiving I have even more reason to be thankful for what God has given me. In being away from family and friends, I've been reminded how richly blessed I am to have all of you in my life. Not only that, but God has changed a foreign country into a formative, blessed place of new family and friends. Though it takes time for these relationships to grow deeper, and for honesty, freedom, and depth to be born in them, I can say that if I were to leave this country today that I would miss this place and the people in it very much. Now, wherever I go, I will not feel entirely at home in the world, as I have now experienced the beginning reality of my identity as an exile and sojourner in this world. Part of me hates to be an exile, as I hate to be away from people I love. I desire to have all my worlds collide, having everyone in my own world together to enjoy now. Yet, what I am slowly beginning to realize is that I need to not feel at home in this world. If I had everything the way I wanted, my roots would be dug into the soil of this world, not into the true home that God has prepared for me in Christ. What is more, when I dig my roots in the world, relationships, ministry, good or bad experiences, it does not matter how great any of those things are; they will leave me disappointed, hopeless, rootless without a true identity that comes through Jesus Christ alone. God's path is far better than the world/kingdom of my own expectations and desires. Not that I believe this most days of the week. More often than not, I come to believe it through the groanings, pains, afflictions, and disappointments of daily life where God breaks me of my false, worthless idols and reminds me that what I really need to give me joy is always there, no matter the circumstances in my life: Him. My Father loves me with an unbreakable love. My Jesus has died for me and paid for my sin and has risen and freed me from both sin and death. I have nothing to fear. I am forgiven. I am secure. I will not be forsaken. I belong to Jesus. I am bound for the promised land. This is my identity! Not sin, guilt, my failure, my success, my ministry, my works, my relationships, my work...nothing but Jesus! How different would my life be if I daily lived out of my ultimate identity in Christ, rather than the earthly identities/broken cisterns that I put on each day? Tim Keller pointed out in a sermon on Jesus being "The Lord of the wine" how we are in control of our joy. In other words, everything that needs to happen for us to have joy has already occurred! Christ/joy has come into our hearts, even living and welling up within us through the Holy Spirit! Because of this, I do not need to look for joy. I have it through Jesus forever and ever! Yet how often do I live as if joy were alien to my experience, seeking for life in everything but Jesus, while living in anxiety, boredom, guilt, works, relationships, and the highs and lows of human experience? Oh that the Spirit would lead me to preach to my heart every day that I have every reason to take joy in whatever circumstances I find myself in, because I am my beloved's and my Beloved's mine! I have every reason to abound this Thanksgiving as God continues to provide for me in more ways than I could imagine.
Happy thanksgiving, family and friends! Thank you for sharing in my life, and for giving me cause to be exceedingly thankful today. Through your friendship, God has revealed Jesus Christ to me. May all the blessings He gives lead us to value the One who blesses infinitely more; for, the treasure is not in the gifts He gives; it is Him. May that reality lead us to see that for all of eternity we have every reason to abound in joy and thanksgiving through Jesus Christ--even He who is sovereignly directing, guiding, and shepherding every stage and detail of our lives to experience and know Him alone as the pearl of greatest price, the fountain of living waters, and our eternally loving bridegroom.
