Losing Self; Resting in the Shadow of the Almighty

It has recently been pointed out to me that I've been in South Korea for over 6 weeks. One thing in life is for certain: time never stops or slows down. The fact that I'm 23 and a college graduate is absurd to me. I definitely don't feel like an adult but more like I'm in a bizarre, undefined location between youth and adulthood. I don't know. Everything seems older than it actually is until you become that age yourself. Then, it's just you, feeling like the same old, familiar you. Other people seem to fall into clearer categories as they age; but when it comes to 'me' everything seems more blurry, experiential, and harder to define, since I don't get to watch myself living but simply live experiencing, feeling, and processing all the many different things God brings in my life. That's probably quite a blessing in disguise, since watching myself would more than likely be a terrifying experience, even as most pastors will say that listening to their own voice in sermons is terribly distressing, even as our voices sound different in actuality than we perceive them to sound. Anyway, enough with time and aging, it's been a while, and an update on what God is doing on the other side of the world is in order. : )

God is continuing to move and work in building His body here in South Korea, Covenant Church Outreach Center. As I said in my last update, we're officially and fully moved into our church office, and have been freed to begin reaching out into our community to serve people, telling them about our ministry, offering our nearly free English classes, and inviting anyone to come and be a part of them. This past Saturday we had our first community outreach event, as we set up a booth and had a Survey Questionnaire for Koreans. The goal of our survey is to learn about the needs of the people in our Jamshil area so that we might better know how to serve them, along with learning about their beliefs and views concerning the church to understand where they're coming from, while also telling them about our Educational program to see if they would desire to get involved. We made a sign for the event that said something like, "Free 10 Minute English Lesson from Foreigners", as two other fellow foreign friends of mine and I spoke to over 20 Koreans that stopped by to take the survey with the help of the Yoo's and one of their Korean friends. It was a very encouraging time to see more people show interest and curiosity concerning our program, and to actually hear from the people that we're going to serve. This week we're finalizing our Covenant Church Outreach Center Brochure, and I will begin teaching our first class tomorrow night with a few children, teaching Bible Stories, Phonics, and playing games with them--should be a lot of fun. Also, Pastor Yoo is going to begin teaching a class next week to college age students called "Gospel Foundations", as I met and became friends with a few Koreans, who showed interest in taking some classes from our Outreach Center. Please keep our Church Plant in your prayers, as we seek to reach out into this community and share the love and knowledge of Christ with them through our Outreach Center. Pray that God would bring the people He desires us to serve. Pray that He would equip us with wisdom and insight concerning the needs and hearts of those we serve that we might love and proclaim the truth effectively to their hearts. Pray that God would bring others to join our Launch Team that would have a heart filled with love for Christ and the gospel, and a desire to share that good news with others. Pray also that the Yoo's and I would never cease to rely on God for strength, energy, wisdom, holiness, growth, salvation, love, hope, joy, and endurance, always growing in love for God and each other.

I've been reading through the gospel of Luke, an absolutely beautiful, soul-stirring, convicting, Kingdom-driven account of Jesus Christ. God has impressed two very familiar, powerful verses on my heart in the past couple of weeks: "Then he [Jesus] said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it" (9:23-24). Gospel wisdom is counterintuitive: The way to life is death. The way to gain is to lose. The way to come is to deny. Really? How could that be when it is utterly against our nature to live this way? And how is this the way to freedom? After all, isn't freedom the ability to choose anything I want, living in the joy of unlimited possibility and options? How my flesh wishes this were reality, as I begin living each day entirely oriented toward my own needs, wants, and desires. Yet, when I honestly face reality, the truth of the gospel concerning freedom emerges: the freedom my flesh thinks is freedom in being able to choose from an unlimited number of possibilites is actually bondage, as I live entraped in my own unsatisfied, unquenchable state of unfufilled desires. In seeking with all of my heart to gain, make, and possess life through fulfilling desire I lose myself and life, being left with the emptiness of self apart from Christ and my own failed schemes of earthly joy. That's just it: Adam and Eve thought in eating of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil they would be truly free to see and choose as God does. Yet, what they thought would bring freedom was the source of all evil, bondage, sin, death, and misery that has followed men, women, and children for the rest of human history and existence. Our flesh is convinced: our way to life is better. God's way can't really be. Our sinful default mode of the flesh screams against death being the way to life, as we so desperately seek to live in our own strength and wisdom, even and often in God's name and in ministry. Sure, it's easy to proclaim His way, His word, His gospel; but when our way is clouded, our plans fail, and we come to the end of ourselves, our anxiety and emotions reveal hearts that are not resting and trusting in God and His way and His plans and His gospel for our salvation, ministry, and lives.

Though God's unconventional, counterintuitive gospel seems to be opposite of joy and freedom, in our experiences it is revealed over and over again that our own--my own--way, idea, and vision for fulfillment and life leads to alienation, not loving relationship; bondage, not freedom; sorrow, not joy; death, not life; anxiety, not peace; weariness, not rest; doubt, not security. As the wise words of Provers remind us, "There is a way that seems right to a man, and in the end it leads to death" (14:12). It isn't just that our plans and schemes for joy in this life, whether seemingly worldly or seemingly godly, miss the mark, leading nearly to happiness or good; rather, our plans that seem right--that we believe consciously or subconsciously in our hearts probably with good biblical backing in alignment with our own starting point--lead to death. What we think will bring us joy in whatever area and avenue of life actually will lead to death. We aren't just partially flawed people; we need new hearts, dispositions, desires, and wills. How sweet that in arriving at this dark, distressing reality, as we lose hope and trust in ourselves, that light and hope comes outside of us in the face of Jesus Christ. The one who truly was free, possessing all things, joy, and beauty in Himself, gave Himself up to die, so that we might truly live, being free from our self-deceived, sinful selves to become one with God in His family, Kingdom, and gospel. Jesus wasn't bound to do this; yet his own loving, relational nature led Him to choose death over holding the joy and glory He had with the Father and the Spirit to each other. Their desire was to share that love, joy, and glory, enduring all for that end. Not only did Jesus sacrifice Himself willingly; He sacrificed Himself joyfully: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2; emphasis is mine). It was Jesus' joy to die for weary, deceived, lost, totally depraved sinners. The better way was the way of death. The way to joy was sacrifice. The way to gain was to lose. There is the gospel! There is our hope! There is our joy! There is the way to relational wholeness and not alienation; the way to freedom, not bondage; the way to life, not death; the way to peace, not anxiety; the way to rest, not weariness; the way to security, not doubt. It is the way of the cross, the way of love, the way of sacrifice, the way of losing yourself in relationship to God, just as Jesus did.

In being led to a way that our earthly nature thinks will actually enslave us, we're brought to finally find security and freedom in the loving arms of God, our Savior, as we're defined in Him alone and not by virtue of ourselves and our efforts. In losing ourselves in Christ, we're brought to the joy of being free from self-absorption that alienates us from the people around us, being enabled to actually invest and lay our lives down for our brothers and sisters in Christ, friends, and enemies, since we can rest secure in Christ and not in what others think of us. In losing ourselves in Christ, we can actually face the reality of who we are in our sin, fear, hurt, and doubt, casting all our cares and anxieties on Him, and living in His sufficient strength and power, not our own. In losing ourselves and dying daily to our flesh, way, schemes, dreams, and vision, we're restored and made alive through the Spirit of God inside us, as He shows us how much higher, greater, wonderful, and glorious God's ways, thoughts, desires, and plans are. Not only this, but He shows us that His ways and plans can be trusted, convincing our hearts more and more that He is good, faithful, and forever loving. In losing ourselves, we are brought to rest in the shadow of the Almighty, as Psalm 91:1 says: "He who dwells in the shelter of the most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Rather than resting in our own feeble strength, nearsighted vision, self-centered heart, and ever-changing plans, we can cast ourselves in our identity, holiness, dreams, desires, nature, and heart into the hands of the Almighty, relational, loving, merciful, holy, powerful, sufficient, omnipotent, good, never-failing, Sovereign, gracious, omniscient, faithful God and King. Though my flesh cries out for its former nature, and I struggle each day to die to self and my own plans and schemes I've had since the day I was born, God is convincing my heart that His way is best, His Kingdom is greater, His love is better than life, and His plans are to give me hope and a future, not to harm me. My time in South Korea has brought me to wrestle and see this over and over again, as I learn and relearn, discover and rediscover how faithful and loving my heavenly Father is. In being brought away from what I know as home through family, friends, and familiar places and times, God is revealing that what I need is not what my own heart and flesh desires and longs for but Him. What I need is not the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the perfect place, the perfect friends, the perfect life; I need Jesus, which means dying to self and living to Him. How sweet and freeing to discover His goodness, beauty, and love that truly are better than life! How cool to also see that it is this discovery and death to self that enables true love, community, prayer, joy, service, calling, and beauty to be born and made alive. Please pray that God would continue this work on my heart, as I get busier and busier and tempted to rest in my strength, striving, efforts, self-worth, relationships, flesh, and desires. Pray that the love of Jesus would be my source of joy, holiness, endurance, faithfulness, love, forgiveness, repentance, belief, and power. I struggle daily to believe this, whether conscious of that struggle or not, living more often than not through the quality of my circumstances, the strength of my own striving. This results in me falling on my face, while being reminded gently and lovingly through the discipline of God to cry out to Him in prayer for needs only He can meet. Though my heart and flesh cries out against giving up and this death to self, I find in doing so freedom, power, strength, and love through the Spirit of God alive, at work, and inside of me. How beautiful the gospel is! How wonderful to live for more than ourselves! How glorious to lose ourselves in Christ! How sweet to give up our lives in service to God's immense, glorious, and loving Kingdom where we find true justice and mercy co-existing!

Thank you immensely for your prayers. They mean more than you--and I really--could ever know. God is alive and at work through His Spirit in my life and the Yoo's in South Korea, and I know that He is alive and working in you, dear family and friends. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers continually in the midst of the daily battle you face to die to self and lose yourself in the gospel. Know that the battle is not in question you are victorious! Christ has purchased eternal life for you through His blood, giving you the certain promise of an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade. Therefore you fight for the faith, struggle, pray, and live to God not to obtain favor and relationship with God but for the sake of the spread of the gospel and the glory of God, that His name might be proclaimed, made known, embraced, and called upon by men, women, and children from all nations to the freedom and love that are found fully and solely in Christ! May you and I live in the strength and persevering grace of Christ, even as our ancestors of the faith and Christ cry out, cheer for, and call us to God's better Kingdom way of self-denying, other-centered love:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such hostility from sinful men that you may not grow weary and lose heart" (Hebrews 12:1-3).

May you rest in the peace and grace of God. Good night from Seoul, South Korea, and good morning to all of you. : )

God is Moving

This Saturday we had our first Covenant Church Launch Team Meeting! This is most, but not all, of our Launch Team--a great group of people, who are quickly becoming dear friends and fellow family and servants of Jesus. We will be meeting together every Saturday to pray, plan, discuss, fellowship, worship, and prepare to serve the city of Seoul! There has been so much happening, as life in Korea is getting busier and busier, as God continues to guide and shape His plan for Covenant church. This past week was filled with preparatory work, mainly involving the purchasing of our new Church Office Space that we just moved into today! God graciously provided in leading us to a place that was nearly half the cost of other buildings around Seoul! We have been preparing non-stop to set up everything in the building from finding a designer to construct and install the outside signs; order chairs, desks, tables, and a book shelf; and this week put up new wallpaper, paint the ceiling, and install extra lights. God is really putting everything together quickly, as the building should be fully ready by Thursday! I am really excited to move from a lot of task-oriented work to reaching out to people, as we will begin doing in earnest this week and next! Our vision for Covenant Church Plant is not simply to start a worshiping community with a few people, but to first be an Outreach Center that offers nearly free English classes to Koreans of all ages and levels in English. Currently, Jae and Hannah Yoo, and I are working on a beginning curriculum that offers a couple classes for children, youth, college students, young professions, and adults. The vision for our Outreach Center has its roots in 2 Corinthians 4:14: "But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him." Our desire is to be the sweet aroma of Christ in the city of Seoul, following God's leading in using us to spread the knowledge of Jesus Christ in every place. Many young Koreans from teenagers to college students to young professionals are disillusioned and bitter toward the church, seeing Christianity as a dying breed amidst the struggles, pleasures, and immediate needs of this life. Rather than seeking to show Christ and the gospel and how they directly relate to and transform the issues in our lives and the world, the Korean Church here often misses them through offering a recylced, spiritualized, seeker-friendly version of Christianity that doesn't measure up to reality--a very common issue and failure of the church throughout the world. Our vision is use teaching English--which is a great need for all Koreans, especially for college students and young professionals--to show and spread the knowledge of Christ in classes concerning the gospel, worldview, God's existence, current issues, the workplace and business world, and other classes that will engage the lives of Koreans, while hoping to show them how Christ and the gospel relate to and transform all areas of life. In doing this, we will seek to serve and effect the community of Koreans around us, while looking to begin worshiping once God brings a decent number of people with the desire and need to join our church. We will mostly offer classes on nights and weekends, and will hopefully be able to move from starting on a smaller scale to a much larger ministry as God brings people into our contacts to serve alongside us. It's incredible to see how He is already doing that. This week our focus will be on networking and spreading the word to Koreans about our Outreach Center, basing what classes we offer first on what age groups sign up to come. However few or many come is not the point, as we pray that God would use our ministry to point any Koreans that come to the transforming person of Jesus Christ and His gospel. Please pray that God would fill the Yoo's hearts, mine, and our Launch Team with Christ, that we might be the sweet aroma of Christ to anyone who comes in our path, exhorting all to come and eat and drink of the free gift of life eternal and life abundant in Jesus Christ alone for the glory of God and the joy of all people's.

Yesterday, I went to my first Korean-speaking worship service with the Yoo family. It was a beautiful experience to hear Koreans worship and praise God in their heart language, and to hear the the pastor preach in Korean but then hear it translated through my very handy head-set. The most memorable moment of the service came when the Korean choir sang the beautiful version of "The Lord Bless You and Keep You" by John Rutter. Immediately, memories flooded my mind of the many times I sang this song with my family, as it is a song we usually sing at least every Christmas together before leaving each other's fellowship. As these Koreans sang in their own language, I felt my worlds colliding for one of the first times, as God brought a profound bridge of beautiful continuity between these worlds, cultures, peoples, and continents, revealing His presence powerfully and simultaneously in and through both. It was as if I could hear my family and former community singing together this truly amazing blessing from God Himself from the past, urging me forward in God's blessing to press on, because He is here just as He was there; and yet, not only them, but combined in there past singing was synchronized a new culture and people who sang the same blessing from God over me in there country and culture, leading me to see that God's blessing and presence is unlimited in its scope and power, existing and heard and sung in every continent and part of the world. What a sweet, rich, and amazing experience of God's grace and power, as His hand of blessing and mercy extends throughout the world. How glorious to experience and learn how God enables His people to live as sojourners and strangers in a foreign land who are, at the same time, always at home through always being in the presence of God our Father and His global family of believers bought and adopted by the blood of His Son. If the experience I had yesterday is as great as it was, I cannot even imagine how indescribably beautiful and magnificent that day will be when all the family of God from all lands, ages, and cultures will come together to worship our Savior and Lord in perfect love and communion. Rather than having that day lead me to seek such a home now--a utopia of my own making on earth according to my own wishes and desires--I pray that God would use that vision of His greater Kingdom to implant an unquenchable desire in me to extend that invitation to as many people as God puts in my path, desiring that others would come to taste and see how good our God is in Jesus Christ! May God never cease to remind you of how high, wide, deep, and vast His love and Kingdom extend: from the furthest corners of the globe in other cultures, worlds, and languages that seem to difficult to enter and affect to the all-too familiar places in many of our lives that seem beyond God's reach. His grace is, indeed sufficient; His mercy surely reaches from age to age; His power absolutely knows no limit, and His love truly does endure forever and, as David says, is better than life itself. May you abound richly and deeply in Christ, knowing and believing in your hearts and lives in word and deed that transformation, life, substance, meaning, righteousness, goodness, grace, justice, love, joy, peace, and satisfaction are found only in Him.

Family and friends, thank you so much for your love and support--you mean so much to me, and are being used by God to continually have a deep impact on my life in Korea. Know that I am praying for you often, even as I pray this blessing from God upon your day-to-day lives in Christ:

"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace" --Numbers 6:24-26